Self

Sometimes I hate myself

but usually I try to love myself

because I'm supposed to.

Jesus said to love thy neighbor

as yourself, but if I hate everything

about me, how the hell do I love them?

I thought I heard something at 23

a call on my life that I wanted, and was there...

but in a way that I just couldn't seem to see.

I chased the mic and the stage for years,

completely abandoning my love of words.

I thought everything about me was bad.

I hated myself, everything about me was evil.

So I destroyed as much of my own work as I

could find... persecuted myself, alienated myself.

Words come to mind... bigot being chief among them.

But at the time, it was innocent,

I was only doing what I thought was right.

But still... it was all about me from the beginning.

The adrenaline rush of preaching to strangers

replaced the nicotine and alcohol.

All these years later, finding balance

finding humility

I find my humanity.

My created value.

My God-given gifting.

With dying to self and obedient self-sacrifice,

I find Jesus stops the knife more than we think.